[whether or not to catch feelings is a choice buggy is years too late to make, and right now it's all he can do to keep them from exploding out of him in dramatic fashion all over again, the same way they did on the beach, when shanks had looked at him like he was, as usual, out of his mind. space helps, a little; buggy splashes water on himself, and that also helps, but then he looks at his floating, wet, makeup-smeared face in the mirror and is not particularly impressed by the sight.
he didn't actually bring makeup with him, is the thing. ordinarily he has at least an emergency lipstick tucked into the brim of his hat, but he left that behind, too. his hair is in wild disarray, no surprise there; his mouth is a red mess and the white paint is so rubbed and streaked it's definitely not serving a purpose any longer; even his sparkly blue mascara is starting to run. he looks exactly as sloppy as he feels.
and shanks saw him like that. he got a whole damn eyeful.
at least taking the time to scrub his face clean gives him some time to settle. he feels shanks moving from the bed behind him, sending a spike of worry up his spine that maybe shanks is taking the chance to make a swift getaway - but no, he's only fetching the drink he offered. and he wouldn't do that, anyway. buggy would do that. buggy might still do that, although his resolve isn't as strong as it was when he got here. wiping off the layers of ruined makeup feels exactly like taking down a protective layer, which is strange because shanks is one of the only people in the world more familiar with his face without it. more walking backwards in time. how far is that going to go?
he's managed to get most of the makeup off, leaving only a persistent red stain on his lips, when suddenly he feels teeth sinking into his shoulder. in the bathroom, he yelps, and in bed he digs a sharp elbow backward into shanks' ribs. a minute later the floating head appears in the bathroom doorway, flustered.]
[ For Shanks it's more about falling victim to the idea this could be more than it should be, letting his imagination run wild with scenarios each wilder than the next, culminating in the disappointment when Buggy tells him to fuck off. It's easily done too and so Shanks distracts himself as he keeps his mouth busy. If his mouth is occupied there's little chance of screwing things up with words, right?
The elbow to his ribs brings the redhead back into the moment with a pained grunt, well deserved and totally earned. It's more than enough to have Shanks grinning to himself, knowing that no matter what happened some things never did change. They would always torment each other no doubt, but even he had to admit it could be fun and that thought is underlined by Buggy's appearance at the bathroom door.
Shanks can't help but burst out laughing at the response, hand idly resting at Buggy's hip as he finds his comfortable position once again. Details, emotions are things they can deal with later and pretend they'd been left at the door as they found their way into the beach hut.
It just doesn't help that Buggy looks phenomenal right now....]
Nothing. [ Buggy doesn't get much as Shanks' laughter finally subsides enough for him to answer. ]
[but buggy is more subdued now, not agitated but extremely wary. he feels more naked now without his makeup than he did when he was stripping himself down for shanks' eyes and hands, not embarrassed but defenseless, an infinitely worse feeling. but... ah, fuck, shanks looks unbearably handsome right now, his hair loose from buggy's fingers in it, his hand a soothing weight on buggy's hip like it's always been there, like that's where it belongs. it makes the clown's breath hitch in his chest. nope. keep it together!
very slowly, he floats back to his body, but doesn't immediately reattach, inspecting the fresh ring of teeth marks on his shoulder.]
[ The indignation on Buggy's face makes the whole thing worth it as Shanks finally stops laughing. Not to mention it's diverted from any tricky conversations about things. Shanks knows it's a talk they both need to have, but right now he's too comfortable and amused to burst the bubble; he can't tell how Buggy would react to a "hey about ten minutes ago?" conversation and so the redhead simply goes with the flow, letting go of Buggy's hip and reaching out to grab the nearby bottle. Perhaps sometimes, thinking too hard about thinks did the most damage. ]
That was the point. You really thought you could just leave me with treasure and I wouldn't have a bite? [ There's absolutely zero chance of that happening and Shanks gives another huff of laughter before shuffling into a sitting position against the headboard. The action is done with ease, a motion that Shanks has learned since losing an arm and having the other holding a drink. ] Maybe it'll bruise.
[treasure... buggy flushes, a more visible phenomenon without a layer of clown paint mottling the effect, as his heart does an embarrassing double backflip. but this time he powers through it, twisting his body up to sit at the end of the bed, the two of them facing each other like a couple of kids prepared to stay up all night talking, or at least as late as they could manage before the day's exertions knocked them both out. one floating hand fetches the bottle shanks left for him, and then his pieces rejoin.
he rubs his shoulder for show as he takes a deep drink, and the burn of the alcohol immediately makes him feel better.]
Seems like having only one arm doesn't slow you down at all. [he's specifically talking about how thoroughly shanks just fucked the hell out of him, but if shanks thinks it's about getting upright without issue, so much the better.]
[ The burn of alcohol is a comforting, familiar sensation, enough to ground Shanks a little with each successive drink. Even as they lounge on the bed together his eyes can't help but wander, taking in the sight of Buggy as if he'll never see the other again. Everything is cosy, lazy and Shanks loves every moment of it, treasuring each and every second as they pass.
Shanks almost misses the comment, inhaling his liquor and coughing a couple of times as what Buggy says registers. The temptation to respond with a cocky plenty of practise would not go down well, not to mention it being an untruth to begin with. ]
Had enough time to get used to it, it has been ten years.
[that brief coughing fit is unintended but satisfying payback for the surprise bite, and buggy grins around the upturned bottle. shanks was considerate enough to bring the good stuff with him, for which buggy can't help but be appreciative, even if he won't say as much out loud.
then again, he's not really sure what to say out loud, right now. there seems to be a small herd of elephants in the room and buggy isn't in a hurry to address any of them, but it's starting to get a little cramped in here nonetheless.]
Uh huh. Bet you came all the way out here just to show off.
[The elephants are starting to circle with Buggy's latest comment, enough so that even Shanks can't help but be aware of them. One wrong word and it all comes crashing down and any semblance or inkling of feelings, emotions, are put further and further down the priority list. If Buggy knew that the only regret Shanks had is this event looking to be a one time thing only and not long term, there'd be emotional chaos. ]
If I knew any better, I'd say you sounded impressed. [Shanks playfully nudges Buggy's knee with his own, not at all going into any kind of detail on how he even managed to make the trip here. How Benn had pointed out how much of a bad idea it was before realizing his advice was landing on deaf ears. Had the redhead listened to his nearest crew, this conversation wouldn't be happening. Buggy is, and always will be, Shanks' biggest weakness, moreso than Luffy. ]
[buggy is impressed, and is also surprised he showed up; it would have been so easy to talk himself out of it and think he was making some big dramatic point in the process. but things just seem to roll off of shanks without leaving a mark. well... most of the time.
but even though things are calmer now, and something has definitely changed between them, it's still so hard to express any of these thoughts out loud. it's like there's something blocking his throat that turns the words into something mean or gaslighting every time. only, now that he's sitting on the bed with shanks, and they're drinking and talking and they just had their hands and mouths all over each other, buggy is starting to feel sort of... normal. for the first time in years.]
Yeah, well, I thought maybe you wanted to settle your debt. Remember you still owe me a treasure map. [not a great start, since it's half a lie, but at least he's not insulting him.
and then, impulsively, buggy keeps going.] And an apology.
[Not saying the words that matter seems to be the way of things; there's so much Shanks could say but doesn't, the fear of Buggy storming out too much of a problem to make the words worth putting out there. A precarious time with Buggy is better than none at all right now and Shanks ignores the scolding thought that swiftly follows that one. Helplessly infatuated idiot.
If they part ways Shanks would rather it be a little amicable, with few if any regrets to stew over for the next few years. The ones that have passed were painful enough and he takes another drink, the comfort of the liquor too strong to ignore. At least, as Buggy as realised, is the good stuff. ]
What? [Sure, a map is doable at some point. It would be a great excuse to cross paths again and Shanks ignores how his heart beats a little faster at that idea, not at all perturbed by the fact he does somewhat owe one. The comment that comes after gets his full attention, brown eyes fixating on Buggy as Shanks raises his eyebrows. ]
No I don't.
[Did he? Shanks isn't sure, but that's not important right now. Perhaps liquor wasn't the smartest move....]
[immediately, buggy begins to bristle all over again. it's only thanks to one orgasm and a decent drink that he doesn't blow up over this very sensitive subject, already humiliated that he brought it up just to have shanks promptly shut him down. if it turns into another childish yes-no-yes-no argument, he won't be able to resist, and he'll end up blowing his only chance to stand his ground with an emperor of the sea who, in buggy's opinion, damn well does owe him an apology. if not several!]
Like hell you don't!
[he folds his arms over his chest, but the hand holding the bottle continues to float, jabbing one finger in shanks' direction. buggy's flush this time is as much embarrassment as it is stubborn fury.]
[ Shanks can feel his expression freezing as Buggy clarifies. Ah. Perhaps it was naïve to think that wouldn't be brought up, or that Buggy would decide to bring it up so quickly after a good time. Laugh Tale is one thing they'll never seem to agree on, both having their own ideas as to what should have been done, and for Shanks to apologise would mean to admit he had been wrong.
Wrong for what? Deciding not to take up the offered mantle and find his own path? Or to skip out on the place first time round when a friend took priority? Suddenly the expectations are starting to threaten again, heavy and disgustingly familiar at his shoulders. Shanks licks his lips, the reluctance to even answer evident on his face. ]
[a long time ago. buggy could throw the bottle at him.]
Is that all you have to say?!
[buggy has never considered the expectations placed on shanks' shoulders as being a burden, because shanks never seemed to wear them as such; all buggy saw for years as a boy bursting at the seams to get out into the world and build his own legacy on the shoulders of giants. buggy himself couldn't wait to be part of it. there was nothing better than sailing with the king of the pirates. that was prestige and riches, friendship and freedom.
he might have understood, if they'd talked about it. but there was no talking at loguetown. just heartbreak.]
You promised. [his voice almost cracks, which only makes him angry, tightening his grip on the neck of the bottle. maybe shanks hadn't explicitly framed it as a promise, but never once in his life had shanks failed to make good on his word. that was the whole point. it's why buggy used to trust him.] You should have apologized to me for being a lying asshole way before now!
[ Shanks is surprised his own voice is steady, even in tone and giving no hint to the discomfort that's beginning to take hold. This argument should have been dead and buried decades ago and now it rears it's ugly head, threatening what should have been a peaceful, comfortable moment. It should have been left at the door when they'd fallen through it.
The way Buggy talks about promises is enough to have Shanks taking a long drink. Perhaps the other is right in one sense, that the redhead should have spoken up long before it had gotten to Loguetown. A look at Buggy and the way the other grips that bottle is enough to let Shanks know that this discussion is going to happen and will get turbulent no matter what is said. Perhaps ripping this band-aid off will do them both some good, right now the discomfort is enough that Shanks is willing to take that risk. ]
[this always seems to be the main point of friction between them: that shanks wants to pretend everything is fine, while buggy can barely keep his emotions regulated at the best of times. if shanks wants them to be anything better than enemies after tonight, this argument is long overdue; if he'd rather lose buggy than clear the air between them, that option is always on the table, very close at hand.
if shanks thinks that buggy can just let bygones be bygones, he underestimates just how important he was to buggy back then.]
To do what? Sail in circles around the Blue Sea for years while every other pirate tried to steal our captain's legacy for themselves??
[shanks should have been the king of the pirates. buggy believed that wholeheartedly by the time they stood beneath the execution platform. then shanks said he didn't want it. so it had to be buggy instead... right? it had to be someone who deserved it... if only because roger needed to be kept alive somehow.
but more important (a deeper root) than any of that is the simple truth: i trusted you with my future and you gave it up instead.]
I wanted to sail with the King of the Pirates. Not some nobody who can't even keep his word. Apologize for that.
[ King of the Pirates. Not some nobody who can't even keep his word. Shanks draws a breath at that, feeling each word stab at him painfully. How easy it is to remember being smaller, younger, with dreams and aspirations. Too easy to remember whispered words from Roger and feeling the tears before eventually going to watch an execution. All of it had been a mess, it still is one and Shanks wonders if he'll ever escape the legacy he'd turned down.
He looks over at Buggy and takes another breath, for once ignoring the bottle of liquor. This is the longest they've been in the same room for years and Shanks knows at some level if he wants to salvage any of this he needs to try to understand. To know why Buggy bristles and carries the same argument with him over and over so stubbornly. In a way it almost reminds Shanks of a smaller pirate, one with a certain hat who would pester every day. Take me with you. I want to be a pirate. Every day the same answer in return and yet somehow Luffy had gone out there to achieve his dream regardless, to potentially succeed where Shanks had not.
Shanks casts his memory back further, not caring if there's now an awkward silence yawning between them both right now. He'd often shared his bed with Buggy with many whispered promises and dreams between them, youthful aspirations vast and exhilarating. Now look at them, sharing a bed once more with bitter complaints and painfully dredging up the past. He wants to keep doing this, to have Buggy want to be around and Shanks knows if he doesn't sort this now they will never get to try again. This is it.
Dreams. Aspirations. Expectations. They all tangled up so messily and Shanks can at least concede some ground in this fight. ]
Okay. [The bottle of liquor is placed back on the side as Shanks takes another moment to slowly scratch at his jawline, an indicator of some nerves if anything. ]
I'm not sorry for deciding not to follow that path, but I am sorry for not taking your wants seriously then. I had already made my mind up and didn't think it through, I just assumed you'd get over it and went on my way.
[already prepared to dig his heels in for another fight, the half-apology makes buggy deflate a little. at the very least, he doesn't snap back right away, instead taking a moment to digest this response and decide whether it's sufficient for him. an apology for not becoming king of the pirates wouldn't have mattered as much as an acknowledgement that he didn't consider buggy at all, or so it seemed at the time. buggy thought it meant that their friendship was never as important to shanks as it had been to him.
but maybe buggy is going to have to admit to himself that he dug his own grave and then lay down in it for 20 years to pout. it's not like shanks is the only one with communication issues.
he watches shanks scratch his jaw with a twist in his stomach, though not nearly as unpleasant as the roiling frustration that makes him lash out. the only question he asks makes him flush with humiliation because of how close it comes to acknowledging his own foolish choice.]
[Shanks speaks the words before he fully even thinks them through, somewhat taken aback by them and the fact they're both talking. Such words are for the best if only because of their blunt honesty. Shanks knows he should have tried harder to get Buggy to come with him, or to do something else, but that moment in time had been a terrible one all around. Emotions had run high enough to do lasting damage and Shanks gives a wry grin, this time reaching for the bottle because right now he's eating some serious crow.
He'd eat all of it for Buggy and Buggy only. ]
I thought you'd calm down after a little while. Then time got away from me and the longer it went on the harder it became to admit it. And like you said, why would you want to pal around with someone who didn't become King of the Pirates? [He may still be a bit sore over that comment, but there's still a hint of truth to it. Back then at that one major point there had been the feeling he had nothing Buggy ultimately wanted. That it all boiled down to a single treasure and the legacy that followed it. ]
he hates hearing it, sort of, because it makes sense and he hates that, and he understands it and he hates that too, and because it still confirms his worst nightmare: that he did this to himself and it could have been undone - at least the parts of it he really cared about - if he'd been the bigger person. if he'd stopped, or turned around. if they'd argued, like they always did, instead of ruining everything with the one time they didn't.
not that buggy has ever managed being the bigger person to begin with, but... he could have, surely. if he did it for anyone, it would have been shanks. and yet here they are, because both of them are stupid. somehow, that itself is reassuring.
buggy sits frozen as shanks holds his attention like a snake charmer. a lot of the hurt he's carried from childhood sounds a lot less important out loud, a couple of decades later. telling a stretchy teenager in flip-flops that shanks tried to keep him out of the spotlight is moderately more reasonable than admitting that buggy always struggled with how to be anything but invisible next to him in the first place.
[Shanks is as much a fan of saying it as Buggy is hearing it. It almost feels like admitting a weakness out loud, that he had chosen the easy way out of the argument by letting Buggy walk away. Which, all things considered, is the truth of things. There were other bits and pieces that laid the foundation of Shanks not taking up the legacy offered, but those are kept close to the redhead's chest. Some things just weren't for speaking. At least now if Buggy walks away, Shanks can put it to rest knowing he'd said what he needed to.
The question catches him off guard enough that the liquor is almost inhaled again. At this rate Buggy is going to take him out without laying a single finger on him and Shanks can't help the bemusement at that idea. Maybe that had been the plan all along... ]
For a lot of things. [Another playful nudge to Buggy's knee with Shanks' own. ] Yes, the truth is part of it. The other part is being too sober to watch you walk on out of here.
[here's the stupidest part, apparently: that if either one of them had done something, it wouldn't have taken much.
because that's all buggy wanted to hear: that shanks didn't want him to go. it's more than just casual flirting or a convenient booty call. he could get into his own head about it, convince himself shanks is lying, or he could shut himself down from giving in, stand his ground and close that gate forever. but maybe they're both too sober for this, because buggy decides he's had enough of running away.
with one floating hand still holding the bottle, buggy crawls forward across the bed, and insinuates himself right back into shanks' lap. this time it isn't an accident, nor is it an effort to distract them both from whatever's still left after 20 years; it's very deliberate, almost a performance, as buggy reclaims a little of his own power. he forgot how easily shanks could do that, too.
the free hand tips shanks' bottle back toward his mouth.]
Bottoms up, Red Hair... and tell me you want me to stick around for once.
[hopefully shanks isn't sober enough to notice the heat under buggy's skin when he says it, or to hear his heart thumping in his chest like a drum.]
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he didn't actually bring makeup with him, is the thing. ordinarily he has at least an emergency lipstick tucked into the brim of his hat, but he left that behind, too. his hair is in wild disarray, no surprise there; his mouth is a red mess and the white paint is so rubbed and streaked it's definitely not serving a purpose any longer; even his sparkly blue mascara is starting to run. he looks exactly as sloppy as he feels.
and shanks saw him like that. he got a whole damn eyeful.
at least taking the time to scrub his face clean gives him some time to settle. he feels shanks moving from the bed behind him, sending a spike of worry up his spine that maybe shanks is taking the chance to make a swift getaway - but no, he's only fetching the drink he offered. and he wouldn't do that, anyway. buggy would do that. buggy might still do that, although his resolve isn't as strong as it was when he got here. wiping off the layers of ruined makeup feels exactly like taking down a protective layer, which is strange because shanks is one of the only people in the world more familiar with his face without it. more walking backwards in time. how far is that going to go?
he's managed to get most of the makeup off, leaving only a persistent red stain on his lips, when suddenly he feels teeth sinking into his shoulder. in the bathroom, he yelps, and in bed he digs a sharp elbow backward into shanks' ribs. a minute later the floating head appears in the bathroom doorway, flustered.]
Hey! What are you up to out here?!
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The elbow to his ribs brings the redhead back into the moment with a pained grunt, well deserved and totally earned. It's more than enough to have Shanks grinning to himself, knowing that no matter what happened some things never did change. They would always torment each other no doubt, but even he had to admit it could be fun and that thought is underlined by Buggy's appearance at the bathroom door.
Shanks can't help but burst out laughing at the response, hand idly resting at Buggy's hip as he finds his comfortable position once again. Details, emotions are things they can deal with later and pretend they'd been left at the door as they found their way into the beach hut.
It just doesn't help that Buggy looks phenomenal right now....]
Nothing. [ Buggy doesn't get much as Shanks' laughter finally subsides enough for him to answer. ]
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[but buggy is more subdued now, not agitated but extremely wary. he feels more naked now without his makeup than he did when he was stripping himself down for shanks' eyes and hands, not embarrassed but defenseless, an infinitely worse feeling. but... ah, fuck, shanks looks unbearably handsome right now, his hair loose from buggy's fingers in it, his hand a soothing weight on buggy's hip like it's always been there, like that's where it belongs. it makes the clown's breath hitch in his chest. nope. keep it together!
very slowly, he floats back to his body, but doesn't immediately reattach, inspecting the fresh ring of teeth marks on his shoulder.]
Jerk. I felt that outta nowhere, y'know.
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That was the point. You really thought you could just leave me with treasure and I wouldn't have a bite? [ There's absolutely zero chance of that happening and Shanks gives another huff of laughter before shuffling into a sitting position against the headboard. The action is done with ease, a motion that Shanks has learned since losing an arm and having the other holding a drink. ] Maybe it'll bruise.
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he rubs his shoulder for show as he takes a deep drink, and the burn of the alcohol immediately makes him feel better.]
Seems like having only one arm doesn't slow you down at all. [he's specifically talking about how thoroughly shanks just fucked the hell out of him, but if shanks thinks it's about getting upright without issue, so much the better.]
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Shanks almost misses the comment, inhaling his liquor and coughing a couple of times as what Buggy says registers. The temptation to respond with a cocky plenty of practise would not go down well, not to mention it being an untruth to begin with. ]
Had enough time to get used to it, it has been ten years.
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then again, he's not really sure what to say out loud, right now. there seems to be a small herd of elephants in the room and buggy isn't in a hurry to address any of them, but it's starting to get a little cramped in here nonetheless.]
Uh huh. Bet you came all the way out here just to show off.
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If I knew any better, I'd say you sounded impressed. [Shanks playfully nudges Buggy's knee with his own, not at all going into any kind of detail on how he even managed to make the trip here. How Benn had pointed out how much of a bad idea it was before realizing his advice was landing on deaf ears. Had the redhead listened to his nearest crew, this conversation wouldn't be happening. Buggy is, and always will be, Shanks' biggest weakness, moreso than Luffy. ]
Surprised you turned up.
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but even though things are calmer now, and something has definitely changed between them, it's still so hard to express any of these thoughts out loud. it's like there's something blocking his throat that turns the words into something mean or gaslighting every time. only, now that he's sitting on the bed with shanks, and they're drinking and talking and they just had their hands and mouths all over each other, buggy is starting to feel sort of... normal. for the first time in years.]
Yeah, well, I thought maybe you wanted to settle your debt. Remember you still owe me a treasure map. [not a great start, since it's half a lie, but at least he's not insulting him.
and then, impulsively, buggy keeps going.] And an apology.
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If they part ways Shanks would rather it be a little amicable, with few if any regrets to stew over for the next few years. The ones that have passed were painful enough and he takes another drink, the comfort of the liquor too strong to ignore. At least, as Buggy as realised, is the good stuff. ]
What? [Sure, a map is doable at some point. It would be a great excuse to cross paths again and Shanks ignores how his heart beats a little faster at that idea, not at all perturbed by the fact he does somewhat owe one. The comment that comes after gets his full attention, brown eyes fixating on Buggy as Shanks raises his eyebrows. ]
No I don't.
[Did he? Shanks isn't sure, but that's not important right now. Perhaps liquor wasn't the smartest move....]
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Like hell you don't!
[he folds his arms over his chest, but the hand holding the bottle continues to float, jabbing one finger in shanks' direction. buggy's flush this time is as much embarrassment as it is stubborn fury.]
For Laugh Tale!!
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Wrong for what? Deciding not to take up the offered mantle and find his own path? Or to skip out on the place first time round when a friend took priority? Suddenly the expectations are starting to threaten again, heavy and disgustingly familiar at his shoulders. Shanks licks his lips, the reluctance to even answer evident on his face. ]
That was a long time ago.
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Is that all you have to say?!
[buggy has never considered the expectations placed on shanks' shoulders as being a burden, because shanks never seemed to wear them as such; all buggy saw for years as a boy bursting at the seams to get out into the world and build his own legacy on the shoulders of giants. buggy himself couldn't wait to be part of it. there was nothing better than sailing with the king of the pirates. that was prestige and riches, friendship and freedom.
he might have understood, if they'd talked about it. but there was no talking at loguetown. just heartbreak.]
You promised. [his voice almost cracks, which only makes him angry, tightening his grip on the neck of the bottle. maybe shanks hadn't explicitly framed it as a promise, but never once in his life had shanks failed to make good on his word. that was the whole point. it's why buggy used to trust him.] You should have apologized to me for being a lying asshole way before now!
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[ Shanks is surprised his own voice is steady, even in tone and giving no hint to the discomfort that's beginning to take hold. This argument should have been dead and buried decades ago and now it rears it's ugly head, threatening what should have been a peaceful, comfortable moment. It should have been left at the door when they'd fallen through it.
The way Buggy talks about promises is enough to have Shanks taking a long drink. Perhaps the other is right in one sense, that the redhead should have spoken up long before it had gotten to Loguetown. A look at Buggy and the way the other grips that bottle is enough to let Shanks know that this discussion is going to happen and will get turbulent no matter what is said. Perhaps ripping this band-aid off will do them both some good, right now the discomfort is enough that Shanks is willing to take that risk. ]
You could have joined me.
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if shanks thinks that buggy can just let bygones be bygones, he underestimates just how important he was to buggy back then.]
To do what? Sail in circles around the Blue Sea for years while every other pirate tried to steal our captain's legacy for themselves??
[shanks should have been the king of the pirates. buggy believed that wholeheartedly by the time they stood beneath the execution platform. then shanks said he didn't want it. so it had to be buggy instead... right? it had to be someone who deserved it... if only because roger needed to be kept alive somehow.
but more important (a deeper root) than any of that is the simple truth: i trusted you with my future and you gave it up instead.]
I wanted to sail with the King of the Pirates. Not some nobody who can't even keep his word. Apologize for that.
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He looks over at Buggy and takes another breath, for once ignoring the bottle of liquor. This is the longest they've been in the same room for years and Shanks knows at some level if he wants to salvage any of this he needs to try to understand. To know why Buggy bristles and carries the same argument with him over and over so stubbornly. In a way it almost reminds Shanks of a smaller pirate, one with a certain hat who would pester every day. Take me with you. I want to be a pirate. Every day the same answer in return and yet somehow Luffy had gone out there to achieve his dream regardless, to potentially succeed where Shanks had not.
Shanks casts his memory back further, not caring if there's now an awkward silence yawning between them both right now. He'd often shared his bed with Buggy with many whispered promises and dreams between them, youthful aspirations vast and exhilarating. Now look at them, sharing a bed once more with bitter complaints and painfully dredging up the past. He wants to keep doing this, to have Buggy want to be around and Shanks knows if he doesn't sort this now they will never get to try again. This is it.
Dreams. Aspirations. Expectations. They all tangled up so messily and Shanks can at least concede some ground in this fight. ]
Okay. [The bottle of liquor is placed back on the side as Shanks takes another moment to slowly scratch at his jawline, an indicator of some nerves if anything. ]
I'm not sorry for deciding not to follow that path, but I am sorry for not taking your wants seriously then. I had already made my mind up and didn't think it through, I just assumed you'd get over it and went on my way.
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but maybe buggy is going to have to admit to himself that he dug his own grave and then lay down in it for 20 years to pout. it's not like shanks is the only one with communication issues.
he watches shanks scratch his jaw with a twist in his stomach, though not nearly as unpleasant as the roiling frustration that makes him lash out. the only question he asks makes him flush with humiliation because of how close it comes to acknowledging his own foolish choice.]
Why didn't you try to stop me?
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[Shanks speaks the words before he fully even thinks them through, somewhat taken aback by them and the fact they're both talking. Such words are for the best if only because of their blunt honesty. Shanks knows he should have tried harder to get Buggy to come with him, or to do something else, but that moment in time had been a terrible one all around. Emotions had run high enough to do lasting damage and Shanks gives a wry grin, this time reaching for the bottle because right now he's eating some serious crow.
He'd eat all of it for Buggy and Buggy only. ]
I thought you'd calm down after a little while. Then time got away from me and the longer it went on the harder it became to admit it. And like you said, why would you want to pal around with someone who didn't become King of the Pirates? [He may still be a bit sore over that comment, but there's still a hint of truth to it. Back then at that one major point there had been the feeling he had nothing Buggy ultimately wanted. That it all boiled down to a single treasure and the legacy that followed it. ]
I am too sober for this, Buggy.
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he hates hearing it, sort of, because it makes sense and he hates that, and he understands it and he hates that too, and because it still confirms his worst nightmare: that he did this to himself and it could have been undone - at least the parts of it he really cared about - if he'd been the bigger person. if he'd stopped, or turned around. if they'd argued, like they always did, instead of ruining everything with the one time they didn't.
not that buggy has ever managed being the bigger person to begin with, but... he could have, surely. if he did it for anyone, it would have been shanks. and yet here they are, because both of them are stupid. somehow, that itself is reassuring.
buggy sits frozen as shanks holds his attention like a snake charmer. a lot of the hurt he's carried from childhood sounds a lot less important out loud, a couple of decades later. telling a stretchy teenager in flip-flops that shanks tried to keep him out of the spotlight is moderately more reasonable than admitting that buggy always struggled with how to be anything but invisible next to him in the first place.
now his heart is beating faster.]
Too sober for what? The truth?
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The question catches him off guard enough that the liquor is almost inhaled again. At this rate Buggy is going to take him out without laying a single finger on him and Shanks can't help the bemusement at that idea. Maybe that had been the plan all along... ]
For a lot of things. [Another playful nudge to Buggy's knee with Shanks' own. ] Yes, the truth is part of it. The other part is being too sober to watch you walk on out of here.
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because that's all buggy wanted to hear: that shanks didn't want him to go. it's more than just casual flirting or a convenient booty call. he could get into his own head about it, convince himself shanks is lying, or he could shut himself down from giving in, stand his ground and close that gate forever. but maybe they're both too sober for this, because buggy decides he's had enough of running away.
with one floating hand still holding the bottle, buggy crawls forward across the bed, and insinuates himself right back into shanks' lap. this time it isn't an accident, nor is it an effort to distract them both from whatever's still left after 20 years; it's very deliberate, almost a performance, as buggy reclaims a little of his own power. he forgot how easily shanks could do that, too.
the free hand tips shanks' bottle back toward his mouth.]
Bottoms up, Red Hair... and tell me you want me to stick around for once.
[hopefully shanks isn't sober enough to notice the heat under buggy's skin when he says it, or to hear his heart thumping in his chest like a drum.]