[immediately, buggy begins to bristle all over again. it's only thanks to one orgasm and a decent drink that he doesn't blow up over this very sensitive subject, already humiliated that he brought it up just to have shanks promptly shut him down. if it turns into another childish yes-no-yes-no argument, he won't be able to resist, and he'll end up blowing his only chance to stand his ground with an emperor of the sea who, in buggy's opinion, damn well does owe him an apology. if not several!]
Like hell you don't!
[he folds his arms over his chest, but the hand holding the bottle continues to float, jabbing one finger in shanks' direction. buggy's flush this time is as much embarrassment as it is stubborn fury.]
[ Shanks can feel his expression freezing as Buggy clarifies. Ah. Perhaps it was naïve to think that wouldn't be brought up, or that Buggy would decide to bring it up so quickly after a good time. Laugh Tale is one thing they'll never seem to agree on, both having their own ideas as to what should have been done, and for Shanks to apologise would mean to admit he had been wrong.
Wrong for what? Deciding not to take up the offered mantle and find his own path? Or to skip out on the place first time round when a friend took priority? Suddenly the expectations are starting to threaten again, heavy and disgustingly familiar at his shoulders. Shanks licks his lips, the reluctance to even answer evident on his face. ]
[a long time ago. buggy could throw the bottle at him.]
Is that all you have to say?!
[buggy has never considered the expectations placed on shanks' shoulders as being a burden, because shanks never seemed to wear them as such; all buggy saw for years as a boy bursting at the seams to get out into the world and build his own legacy on the shoulders of giants. buggy himself couldn't wait to be part of it. there was nothing better than sailing with the king of the pirates. that was prestige and riches, friendship and freedom.
he might have understood, if they'd talked about it. but there was no talking at loguetown. just heartbreak.]
You promised. [his voice almost cracks, which only makes him angry, tightening his grip on the neck of the bottle. maybe shanks hadn't explicitly framed it as a promise, but never once in his life had shanks failed to make good on his word. that was the whole point. it's why buggy used to trust him.] You should have apologized to me for being a lying asshole way before now!
[ Shanks is surprised his own voice is steady, even in tone and giving no hint to the discomfort that's beginning to take hold. This argument should have been dead and buried decades ago and now it rears it's ugly head, threatening what should have been a peaceful, comfortable moment. It should have been left at the door when they'd fallen through it.
The way Buggy talks about promises is enough to have Shanks taking a long drink. Perhaps the other is right in one sense, that the redhead should have spoken up long before it had gotten to Loguetown. A look at Buggy and the way the other grips that bottle is enough to let Shanks know that this discussion is going to happen and will get turbulent no matter what is said. Perhaps ripping this band-aid off will do them both some good, right now the discomfort is enough that Shanks is willing to take that risk. ]
[this always seems to be the main point of friction between them: that shanks wants to pretend everything is fine, while buggy can barely keep his emotions regulated at the best of times. if shanks wants them to be anything better than enemies after tonight, this argument is long overdue; if he'd rather lose buggy than clear the air between them, that option is always on the table, very close at hand.
if shanks thinks that buggy can just let bygones be bygones, he underestimates just how important he was to buggy back then.]
To do what? Sail in circles around the Blue Sea for years while every other pirate tried to steal our captain's legacy for themselves??
[shanks should have been the king of the pirates. buggy believed that wholeheartedly by the time they stood beneath the execution platform. then shanks said he didn't want it. so it had to be buggy instead... right? it had to be someone who deserved it... if only because roger needed to be kept alive somehow.
but more important (a deeper root) than any of that is the simple truth: i trusted you with my future and you gave it up instead.]
I wanted to sail with the King of the Pirates. Not some nobody who can't even keep his word. Apologize for that.
[ King of the Pirates. Not some nobody who can't even keep his word. Shanks draws a breath at that, feeling each word stab at him painfully. How easy it is to remember being smaller, younger, with dreams and aspirations. Too easy to remember whispered words from Roger and feeling the tears before eventually going to watch an execution. All of it had been a mess, it still is one and Shanks wonders if he'll ever escape the legacy he'd turned down.
He looks over at Buggy and takes another breath, for once ignoring the bottle of liquor. This is the longest they've been in the same room for years and Shanks knows at some level if he wants to salvage any of this he needs to try to understand. To know why Buggy bristles and carries the same argument with him over and over so stubbornly. In a way it almost reminds Shanks of a smaller pirate, one with a certain hat who would pester every day. Take me with you. I want to be a pirate. Every day the same answer in return and yet somehow Luffy had gone out there to achieve his dream regardless, to potentially succeed where Shanks had not.
Shanks casts his memory back further, not caring if there's now an awkward silence yawning between them both right now. He'd often shared his bed with Buggy with many whispered promises and dreams between them, youthful aspirations vast and exhilarating. Now look at them, sharing a bed once more with bitter complaints and painfully dredging up the past. He wants to keep doing this, to have Buggy want to be around and Shanks knows if he doesn't sort this now they will never get to try again. This is it.
Dreams. Aspirations. Expectations. They all tangled up so messily and Shanks can at least concede some ground in this fight. ]
Okay. [The bottle of liquor is placed back on the side as Shanks takes another moment to slowly scratch at his jawline, an indicator of some nerves if anything. ]
I'm not sorry for deciding not to follow that path, but I am sorry for not taking your wants seriously then. I had already made my mind up and didn't think it through, I just assumed you'd get over it and went on my way.
[already prepared to dig his heels in for another fight, the half-apology makes buggy deflate a little. at the very least, he doesn't snap back right away, instead taking a moment to digest this response and decide whether it's sufficient for him. an apology for not becoming king of the pirates wouldn't have mattered as much as an acknowledgement that he didn't consider buggy at all, or so it seemed at the time. buggy thought it meant that their friendship was never as important to shanks as it had been to him.
but maybe buggy is going to have to admit to himself that he dug his own grave and then lay down in it for 20 years to pout. it's not like shanks is the only one with communication issues.
he watches shanks scratch his jaw with a twist in his stomach, though not nearly as unpleasant as the roiling frustration that makes him lash out. the only question he asks makes him flush with humiliation because of how close it comes to acknowledging his own foolish choice.]
[Shanks speaks the words before he fully even thinks them through, somewhat taken aback by them and the fact they're both talking. Such words are for the best if only because of their blunt honesty. Shanks knows he should have tried harder to get Buggy to come with him, or to do something else, but that moment in time had been a terrible one all around. Emotions had run high enough to do lasting damage and Shanks gives a wry grin, this time reaching for the bottle because right now he's eating some serious crow.
He'd eat all of it for Buggy and Buggy only. ]
I thought you'd calm down after a little while. Then time got away from me and the longer it went on the harder it became to admit it. And like you said, why would you want to pal around with someone who didn't become King of the Pirates? [He may still be a bit sore over that comment, but there's still a hint of truth to it. Back then at that one major point there had been the feeling he had nothing Buggy ultimately wanted. That it all boiled down to a single treasure and the legacy that followed it. ]
he hates hearing it, sort of, because it makes sense and he hates that, and he understands it and he hates that too, and because it still confirms his worst nightmare: that he did this to himself and it could have been undone - at least the parts of it he really cared about - if he'd been the bigger person. if he'd stopped, or turned around. if they'd argued, like they always did, instead of ruining everything with the one time they didn't.
not that buggy has ever managed being the bigger person to begin with, but... he could have, surely. if he did it for anyone, it would have been shanks. and yet here they are, because both of them are stupid. somehow, that itself is reassuring.
buggy sits frozen as shanks holds his attention like a snake charmer. a lot of the hurt he's carried from childhood sounds a lot less important out loud, a couple of decades later. telling a stretchy teenager in flip-flops that shanks tried to keep him out of the spotlight is moderately more reasonable than admitting that buggy always struggled with how to be anything but invisible next to him in the first place.
[Shanks is as much a fan of saying it as Buggy is hearing it. It almost feels like admitting a weakness out loud, that he had chosen the easy way out of the argument by letting Buggy walk away. Which, all things considered, is the truth of things. There were other bits and pieces that laid the foundation of Shanks not taking up the legacy offered, but those are kept close to the redhead's chest. Some things just weren't for speaking. At least now if Buggy walks away, Shanks can put it to rest knowing he'd said what he needed to.
The question catches him off guard enough that the liquor is almost inhaled again. At this rate Buggy is going to take him out without laying a single finger on him and Shanks can't help the bemusement at that idea. Maybe that had been the plan all along... ]
For a lot of things. [Another playful nudge to Buggy's knee with Shanks' own. ] Yes, the truth is part of it. The other part is being too sober to watch you walk on out of here.
[here's the stupidest part, apparently: that if either one of them had done something, it wouldn't have taken much.
because that's all buggy wanted to hear: that shanks didn't want him to go. it's more than just casual flirting or a convenient booty call. he could get into his own head about it, convince himself shanks is lying, or he could shut himself down from giving in, stand his ground and close that gate forever. but maybe they're both too sober for this, because buggy decides he's had enough of running away.
with one floating hand still holding the bottle, buggy crawls forward across the bed, and insinuates himself right back into shanks' lap. this time it isn't an accident, nor is it an effort to distract them both from whatever's still left after 20 years; it's very deliberate, almost a performance, as buggy reclaims a little of his own power. he forgot how easily shanks could do that, too.
the free hand tips shanks' bottle back toward his mouth.]
Bottoms up, Red Hair... and tell me you want me to stick around for once.
[hopefully shanks isn't sober enough to notice the heat under buggy's skin when he says it, or to hear his heart thumping in his chest like a drum.]
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no subject
Like hell you don't!
[he folds his arms over his chest, but the hand holding the bottle continues to float, jabbing one finger in shanks' direction. buggy's flush this time is as much embarrassment as it is stubborn fury.]
For Laugh Tale!!
no subject
Wrong for what? Deciding not to take up the offered mantle and find his own path? Or to skip out on the place first time round when a friend took priority? Suddenly the expectations are starting to threaten again, heavy and disgustingly familiar at his shoulders. Shanks licks his lips, the reluctance to even answer evident on his face. ]
That was a long time ago.
no subject
Is that all you have to say?!
[buggy has never considered the expectations placed on shanks' shoulders as being a burden, because shanks never seemed to wear them as such; all buggy saw for years as a boy bursting at the seams to get out into the world and build his own legacy on the shoulders of giants. buggy himself couldn't wait to be part of it. there was nothing better than sailing with the king of the pirates. that was prestige and riches, friendship and freedom.
he might have understood, if they'd talked about it. but there was no talking at loguetown. just heartbreak.]
You promised. [his voice almost cracks, which only makes him angry, tightening his grip on the neck of the bottle. maybe shanks hadn't explicitly framed it as a promise, but never once in his life had shanks failed to make good on his word. that was the whole point. it's why buggy used to trust him.] You should have apologized to me for being a lying asshole way before now!
no subject
[ Shanks is surprised his own voice is steady, even in tone and giving no hint to the discomfort that's beginning to take hold. This argument should have been dead and buried decades ago and now it rears it's ugly head, threatening what should have been a peaceful, comfortable moment. It should have been left at the door when they'd fallen through it.
The way Buggy talks about promises is enough to have Shanks taking a long drink. Perhaps the other is right in one sense, that the redhead should have spoken up long before it had gotten to Loguetown. A look at Buggy and the way the other grips that bottle is enough to let Shanks know that this discussion is going to happen and will get turbulent no matter what is said. Perhaps ripping this band-aid off will do them both some good, right now the discomfort is enough that Shanks is willing to take that risk. ]
You could have joined me.
no subject
if shanks thinks that buggy can just let bygones be bygones, he underestimates just how important he was to buggy back then.]
To do what? Sail in circles around the Blue Sea for years while every other pirate tried to steal our captain's legacy for themselves??
[shanks should have been the king of the pirates. buggy believed that wholeheartedly by the time they stood beneath the execution platform. then shanks said he didn't want it. so it had to be buggy instead... right? it had to be someone who deserved it... if only because roger needed to be kept alive somehow.
but more important (a deeper root) than any of that is the simple truth: i trusted you with my future and you gave it up instead.]
I wanted to sail with the King of the Pirates. Not some nobody who can't even keep his word. Apologize for that.
no subject
He looks over at Buggy and takes another breath, for once ignoring the bottle of liquor. This is the longest they've been in the same room for years and Shanks knows at some level if he wants to salvage any of this he needs to try to understand. To know why Buggy bristles and carries the same argument with him over and over so stubbornly. In a way it almost reminds Shanks of a smaller pirate, one with a certain hat who would pester every day. Take me with you. I want to be a pirate. Every day the same answer in return and yet somehow Luffy had gone out there to achieve his dream regardless, to potentially succeed where Shanks had not.
Shanks casts his memory back further, not caring if there's now an awkward silence yawning between them both right now. He'd often shared his bed with Buggy with many whispered promises and dreams between them, youthful aspirations vast and exhilarating. Now look at them, sharing a bed once more with bitter complaints and painfully dredging up the past. He wants to keep doing this, to have Buggy want to be around and Shanks knows if he doesn't sort this now they will never get to try again. This is it.
Dreams. Aspirations. Expectations. They all tangled up so messily and Shanks can at least concede some ground in this fight. ]
Okay. [The bottle of liquor is placed back on the side as Shanks takes another moment to slowly scratch at his jawline, an indicator of some nerves if anything. ]
I'm not sorry for deciding not to follow that path, but I am sorry for not taking your wants seriously then. I had already made my mind up and didn't think it through, I just assumed you'd get over it and went on my way.
no subject
but maybe buggy is going to have to admit to himself that he dug his own grave and then lay down in it for 20 years to pout. it's not like shanks is the only one with communication issues.
he watches shanks scratch his jaw with a twist in his stomach, though not nearly as unpleasant as the roiling frustration that makes him lash out. the only question he asks makes him flush with humiliation because of how close it comes to acknowledging his own foolish choice.]
Why didn't you try to stop me?
no subject
[Shanks speaks the words before he fully even thinks them through, somewhat taken aback by them and the fact they're both talking. Such words are for the best if only because of their blunt honesty. Shanks knows he should have tried harder to get Buggy to come with him, or to do something else, but that moment in time had been a terrible one all around. Emotions had run high enough to do lasting damage and Shanks gives a wry grin, this time reaching for the bottle because right now he's eating some serious crow.
He'd eat all of it for Buggy and Buggy only. ]
I thought you'd calm down after a little while. Then time got away from me and the longer it went on the harder it became to admit it. And like you said, why would you want to pal around with someone who didn't become King of the Pirates? [He may still be a bit sore over that comment, but there's still a hint of truth to it. Back then at that one major point there had been the feeling he had nothing Buggy ultimately wanted. That it all boiled down to a single treasure and the legacy that followed it. ]
I am too sober for this, Buggy.
no subject
he hates hearing it, sort of, because it makes sense and he hates that, and he understands it and he hates that too, and because it still confirms his worst nightmare: that he did this to himself and it could have been undone - at least the parts of it he really cared about - if he'd been the bigger person. if he'd stopped, or turned around. if they'd argued, like they always did, instead of ruining everything with the one time they didn't.
not that buggy has ever managed being the bigger person to begin with, but... he could have, surely. if he did it for anyone, it would have been shanks. and yet here they are, because both of them are stupid. somehow, that itself is reassuring.
buggy sits frozen as shanks holds his attention like a snake charmer. a lot of the hurt he's carried from childhood sounds a lot less important out loud, a couple of decades later. telling a stretchy teenager in flip-flops that shanks tried to keep him out of the spotlight is moderately more reasonable than admitting that buggy always struggled with how to be anything but invisible next to him in the first place.
now his heart is beating faster.]
Too sober for what? The truth?
no subject
The question catches him off guard enough that the liquor is almost inhaled again. At this rate Buggy is going to take him out without laying a single finger on him and Shanks can't help the bemusement at that idea. Maybe that had been the plan all along... ]
For a lot of things. [Another playful nudge to Buggy's knee with Shanks' own. ] Yes, the truth is part of it. The other part is being too sober to watch you walk on out of here.
no subject
because that's all buggy wanted to hear: that shanks didn't want him to go. it's more than just casual flirting or a convenient booty call. he could get into his own head about it, convince himself shanks is lying, or he could shut himself down from giving in, stand his ground and close that gate forever. but maybe they're both too sober for this, because buggy decides he's had enough of running away.
with one floating hand still holding the bottle, buggy crawls forward across the bed, and insinuates himself right back into shanks' lap. this time it isn't an accident, nor is it an effort to distract them both from whatever's still left after 20 years; it's very deliberate, almost a performance, as buggy reclaims a little of his own power. he forgot how easily shanks could do that, too.
the free hand tips shanks' bottle back toward his mouth.]
Bottoms up, Red Hair... and tell me you want me to stick around for once.
[hopefully shanks isn't sober enough to notice the heat under buggy's skin when he says it, or to hear his heart thumping in his chest like a drum.]